Umm... I'm trying to think of something to say so I will not get up from the computer. I'll make a list of whatever comes to my mind I suppose. (I'll take out the thoughts about food so I won't bore anyone more than usual.)
-I am wishing for my room to empty itself of everything so I can fricking START OVER already! I want to be alone with my books and freezing water. Is that hard to comprehend to anyone but my parents??? (no need to answer that, I am not being very nice...)
-I wish there was an anorexic bar. I've posted this as a comment on the blog "A Start Maybe", and I do not know how to create a link, so I apologize for that.... :( But an anorexic bar would be open all the time, even late at night for insomniacs (like me, haha), and there would be no alcohol served but there could be ice water and black coffee, and a ton of low-low cal snacks, but you'd never be allowed to order more than 100 calories or something. And we'd all be there and surrounded by people who can support us and stuff. :) I think it'd be fun.
-I'm just a little crazy today. I'm also very very much more talkative than usual. I know this is hard to tell, being a blog and all, but I'm an extremely quiet person. I never ever talk, unless someone talks to me first, and if I do talk I keep it as short and to-the-point as possible. And I usually berate myself for whatever I said, because I know I sounded stupid or didn't really need to tell anyone about whatever it was I told them about, so I become even quieter. The circle will most likely continue until I wind up mute. My fellow bloggers will be the only people left to hear me. Lucky you....
-I pretend that I can fade away into a non-noticeable empty space whenever I feel self-conscious. Anyone else do that? (I think this shyness of mine must go hand in hand with the not-talking deal.)
-I want to make myself a dress, so it can have a custom fit, and also I will be able to adjust it to however I want it to look like. But my mother (I completely cannot stand her quite a bit of the time, or actually most of the time) said no. She thought the pattern I had was too low cut, and even after I explained that it was just to GUIDE my ideas of sewing (I'd never never never show off my chest and she knows it), she still refused. Jerk.
-There's another thing: my mother. She picks at my every fault. She tells me I should lose weight (uh, no duh, what does she think I'm doing?? honestly...); that my chest is bigger than hers (bad thing? good thing? I'm going with the former, as I hate my boobs); that I should join the tennis team and swim team (did it for 8-9 years, isn't that enough?) and think about college and get straight As in every subject (I normally do, she just hates me for it for some unreasonable reason) and clean my room and be perfect like my brother/sister/cousin/friends/that strange person over there who we don't know, on and on....
Yeah, I think I am done ranting now. I'm safe from eating, I promise. I am way too ticked off at my mother to eat anymore.
Eight followers, shout out to all of you!! :) Much love, I'll follow all your blogs!
5 comments:
I totally love the idea of the anorexic bar! hahaha! So perfect <3 I'm an insomniac too : / I'd go...
I always think I'm invisible and blend in, but in reality I dress really flamboyant and always have crazy makeup! So I get the whole pretending to fade thing. I'm naturally very shy and introverted, but have learned to fake being social very well.
Mothers are silly : ( Could you just make the dress anyways? Like, make it at a friend's house?
My mother is never satisfied with me either. I think our mothers are just unhappy with themselves and think that if they were us, they would do things so much more different/better. Trying to live through us.
I hope you feel better and stay strong <3
omg when you make your anorexic bar let me know so i can come hang out like 24/7!!
Lol, I think I'm a bit young for starting my own bar.... But maybe I'll open a chain of them for people all over the world, and then we can all always have whatever we need. :)
i live the idea of an anorexic bar!!! :) Your mom isn't the only one who feels the need to point out your flaws. :(
i always feel alone in a crowd, like I'm here but I'm invisible. Very strange.
stay strong, and push through the cravings. we are all hear for you. :)
im shy, introverted and dont talk much either! and one of those bars would be a dream come true!! sometimes i just want to be invisible, but most of the time i dont feel like people really see me, which is why i like to restrict. maybe then my bf, in particular will see me
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