I am setting myself to run only as necessary for the next few days. My body will take care of everything, and I will keep watch from a distance. This fat sack my mind calls home won't dare eat a bite without my permission.
I am so impatient. I want everything now--the thinness and my iPod and good grades, everything.
I can hardly concentrate on anything anymore. My history grade is going to drop like a brick through open air if I don't study hard. I'm pretty certain I couldn't have scraped an A, or even an A minus, on my test today. I hate my history class, and the teacher, and every-single-freaking-thing about it!!! I have studied US History every year for the past billion lifetimes (or at least it feels like it) and I can't take it anymore! I love my country, but honestly, we are NOT so interesting that I need to learn and relearn the same things every year only to be tested on the things they never told me! I am no book burner, but if I'm left alone with my history textbook for too long, I may just find myself to be a little pyromania-obsessed one day and.... No need to continue thinking about what was never meant to be. (Meaning I am never going to have a good relationship with history, so moving on.)
Tons tons tons of homework. :) And so little time to get it done! :( I couldn't skip dinner tonight, I tried to purge, but I couldn't! What is wrong with me?!? I tried using my toothbrush, and I drank lots of water to make it easier, but the food just sits in my stomach, filling me with rocks so that my light step is weighed down in dread.
Useless marching band practices take up all my free time. I can't join French Club, or Red Cross Club, or Thespians, and I certainly don't have time for art or the musical or the winter play or piano/singing lessons! I think I'm going to quit band next year. The new teachers and new style of doing things along with the intolerance for having activities outside of marching all combined are just wwwaaaaaaaayyy too stressful and ridiculous. I can't take much more of people screaming "Guide right! Guide right! YOU HAVE TO GUIDE! COVER DOWN!!!" (I won't even bother explaining those terms. They are surely annoying even if you don't know what they mean.)
So I think I am going to start a book club with some friends. My English teacher gave out book orders today, and my friends and I are compiling lists of books we really really want to read, we'll order one copy of the books we want most, and share them all. We'll split the cost for them evenly, and make sure everyone takes some home to read, then when they're done with them, they bring them to the book club for discussion and trade it off for another book! Brilliant!
Except for the fact that all of the books I want (very very cheap books too, as far as novels go!! mostly $3-$5 per book!) adds up to $170 total.... And I know there are some I've surely missed. Plus my friends' books. We're going to need about twenty more people to share the cost of ordering these books.
I think a books club will be brilliant. We could meet Mondays, as we don't have band then, and after marching season is over we can meet even more often. Perfect planning. (I'm making more lists... I just have a super-obsession with lists or something, ever since 5th Grade or so it's just progressed so that I need every detail written out. Which is why blogs are a savior for me. That, and my journal, which I can practice my penman(woman?)ship in. :) What a rambling post I've written....
Calories today: about 500.
planned calories today: ??? I need to keep better track.
Calories burned: 300-500, I think
Days until my iPod comes: maybe getting here Friday (I'm praying for Thursday!) ...so I guess 3 days, at most. :l
Tomorrow is a new day! Stay strong everyone, thanks so much to my thirty (THIRTY!! I can't believe it!!) followers! <3 <3 Love to the world!
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4 comments:
I love reading too! It's like getting away from my own life and living someone else's. I always read before i go to bed; it's a welcome respite from my anatomy, physiology, and pathology books. ugh lol. stay skinny!
ugh.. homework.. I have a lot of homework to do that I should be doing right now but instead I am reading your blog (ha ha!) Auto-pilot sounds nice, if only it were really possible to function proficiently like that - just get everything done well that needs to be, and sit back and relax. Oh and I am sure you will do fine in History - and if you get less than an A, fuck it. i mean seriously? Why worry about the shit you don't give a fuck about anyway? I only care about getting good grades in art. Ha ha!
The book club sounds awesome!!! What are some of the books on your list?
US History is the absolute worst. And i agree, they teach it over and over and over. It just gets old.
Sorry about dinner... i can't purge either, no matter what i try. It just doesn't work for some reason. People say it's a good thing, but i know it surely doesn't feel like it is.
Haha. i have the same thing about lists. I just need to write every single thought out or i'll explode. Lol.
Mmm I love instant gratification.
I adore your book club idea, sounds lovely. If you all can't get a bunch of people to join right away, can you split up who buys which books and rotate them and then talk about them all at once? Or talk about them weekly while you're reading new books? What I'm saying would make more sense if I knew how many people were in the group and I could write out a schedule... eek you can tell I love to micro manage. Good luck, I hope you can post some of the books so we can be jealous and add some of our favorites when we know what kind of books you're reading... or just email me haha :)
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